10 Things You Don't Want to Run in to Out in the Wild

1. Sasquatch - Imagine hiking through the woods, and up on the ridge you see Sasquatch himself. You'd better run when he begins chucking live deer down the hill at you.

2. A Clown - So you are cresting a hill, and over the horizon appears a lone clown. Is there anything more frightening than a clown? Yes. A clown in the woods and nothing to protect you.

3. Ned Beatty - If you come across Ned Beatty (or Burt Reynolds) in the woods, run. Inbred yokels are sure to follow.

4. Magneto - Never mind. There's not enough metal in the wild for him to hurt you with. Just don't let him know you have a knife on you. You do have a knife in the wilderness, right?

5. T-Rex - Even if you are driving an electric Ford Explorer, you can't out run T-Rex, and he will easily flip your truck when he catches up. It's only a matter of time before he eats you.

6. Magua - Even though the Huron are generally a kind and peaceful people, this guy will try to scalp you or steal your girlfriend. You'd better hope Chingachgook shows up with his war club, or you are toast.

7. Ents - They'll probably think you are an orc and smash you. Or, they'll tell you long stories that go nowhere until you die of boredom.

8. Smokey the Bear - If you see him, it means you just started a fire and he's out for revenge. He's nice to kids, but he's an arsonist's worst nightmare.

9. A Lone Dilapidated Cabin - What movie has ever had a good thing come out of a shack in the middle of the woods. There are axe murderers, bears, zombies, and necronomicons. If you see a lone cabin, leave it alone.

10. El Chupacabra - Sure he prefers goats, but he may drink you dry of all your blood if he doesn't have the option. Plus, even if he doesn't kill you, he won't be a very good companion unless you know Spanish.